colobosya | (no subject)

Мне сегодня попалась на глаза чашка со стишком про Санту.
Хотя и не по сезону, но все равно очень смешно.
The Epic of Santa
as told by a coffee mug.
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house
There were bottles of booze left around by some louse
When thru the north window there came loud a yell
I sprang my feet to see what the hell
And what to my bloodshot eyes should I see
But eight drunken reindeer caught up in a tree
And there in the branches, was a man with a sleigh
I knew it was Santa, quite tiddley and gay
Staggering nearer those eight reindeer came
While he belched & hiccoughed and called them by name:
"On Whiskey! On Vodka! we ain't got all night,
You too, Gin and Brandy, now all do it right!
Clamber up on the roof, and get off this wall,
Get going you rummies, we've still a long haul! "
...So up on the roof went the reindeer and sleigh
But a tree branch hit Santa before he could sway.
And then to my ears like the roll of a barrel,
A hell of a noise that was no Christmas carol.

So I pulled in my head and I cocked a sharp ear,
Down the chimney he plunged, landing smack on his ear.

He was both plump & chubby and tried to stand right.
But he didn't fool me, he was high as a kite.

He spoke not a word but went straight to work,
And missed half the stocking, the drunken old jerk.

Then putting his thumb to the end of his nose,
He fluttered his fingers as he quoted prose.

As he sprung for his sleigh at so hasty a pace,
He tripped on a shingle and he slid on his face.

But I heard him call back as he passed out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, you lushes, now really get tight!"